How to minimize your bulge

You just tried on a new pair of jeans and looked in the mirror and saw something obscene. Or your boss mentioned that "people" have been complaining about you showing off. Or maybe somebody looked down at your crotch and got the wrong idea about how you felt about them.

It's not your fault you've got a permanent bulge because you've got a big dick and/or huge nuts. You're not showing off — you're just trying to exist. But here you are, bulging nonetheless, and you want to do that less. Here's what to do about it, even though physics is not on your side.

Let's be clear here: you’re trying to stuff a lot of meat into a space designed for the average man. It might not be comfortable, but you can exercise some control over the bulge.

Underwear

The first step to minimizing your bulge is at the lowest level: your underwear. Obviously, going commando isn't going to do a damn thing to keep your dick print in check, and boxer shorts are barely any better. Traditional briefs or boxer briefs may be overly snug on the goods, but they'll also do a lot to keep you in place.

The best underwear option for bulge minimization is compression underwear. As the name would imply, compression underwear compresses. Their primary purpose is athletic in nature; by lightly squeezing muscles under strain they actually help to reduce and delay soreness. That that they crush your dick and balls is just part of the design.

And as much as I may advocate for pouch underwear for men with lots of junk, they're not a great choice for bulge suppression.

Jeans

Jeans can be your best friend or your worst nightmare when it comes to bulging. No matter your body type, big dick guys that don't want to show off their endowment would do well to steer away from skinny jeans. I'm a slim guy and for most brands "slim fit" is as skinny as I'll go, and even then there's definitely some bulging happening. Looser fits, like straight cut will provide you with more room, while "athletic fit" in many brands has more room in the seat and thighs for guys that hit the gym and have built up strong quads — and for guys like you with a dick that needs breathing room.

Jeans with a heavier fabric weight and less elasticity will be less likely to conform to your shape, and will likely last longer as well. Button fly jeans can also accentuate the bulge, as they increase the layers of fabric and buttons right over your package, so zipper flies are a better choice to stick out less. Some companies also make jeans with a crotch gusset; these have an extra diamond of fabric built into the crotch primarily for guys that move around a lot in their jeans (like construction workers) but they can also provide valuable room for men with large penises.

Finally, there's color, or in jeans parlance the "wash". A darker wash will hide a bulge better than a lighter one, and that's a theme you're going to see repeated a lot through this guide. Additionally, "whiskering" or artificial wear lines can also accentuate your bulge, so it'll be best to try them on first to see what it looks like.

Suits and slacks

A lot of the same points about jeans also apply to more formal pants, like khakis, slacks, and suit pants — though with more emphasis thanks to the thinner fabrics. Loose undergarments (or none at all) are not particularly recommended for bulge minimization in slacks, as you're bound to put everything on display when the light hits right. Additionally, as with jeans, skinny cuts will leave less room for your dick and balls, while lighter colors will highlight your contours better so darker colors should be preferred.

There is one option available to slacks that is not in jeans: pleats. These folds draw the pants tighter at the waist but leave more fabric through the seat. Pleated slacks are currently way out of style and I personally dislike the look, but if you're struggling with bulge control in your pants they can be a good choice — especially if you're required by work or school to wear lighter colors like khaki.

Tailoring

While it's yet more money to spend on top of the clothes you've already paid for, a good tailor can make a huge difference for huge guys — especially with slacks and suit pants. Back in the day when all men wore boxers (though tighter than today's options), it was common for a tailor fitting a man for a suit to ask "which side do you wear to", as in which pant leg do you hang down. That's not so much an issue today for most men, as the advent of modern briefs and boxer briefs have eliminated that question for most who wear them, and modern slacks are typically worn lower on the waist and with more room in the crotch.

But for guys that are struggling with bulging, a tailor can help to minimize that. You just have to tell them, and it's better to be as straightforward about it as possible to avoid any confusion — after all, LBJ had no issue telling his tailor that he needed more room. The tailor can let out the pants a bit in the seat and crotch to give you some extra room and reduce fabric strain on your bulge.

Shorts

The problem with many pairs of shorts is the same problem face with slacks: they tend to have a slimmer cut and be made from thinner and lighter-colored fabrics. On top of that, shorts often also have a higher rise in the inseam (between the legs) so they'll come up close to your crotch. If you've got a lot hanging down in that spot, you can run out of room fast and show off more than you intend.

This is a harder one to manage, but there are still some things you can do. The first is to get shorts that are a bit large for your hips and wear a belt to hold them up. This will provide you with extra space without being too baggy. You can also use these larger shorts to wear a bit lower on your hips with the belt, which will lower the crotch away from immediately bulge territory.

Gym Shorts

Gym shorts are by their very nature a difficult bulge problem to manage. They're deliberately thin for ventilation, and assembled so that they're not restricting when you exercise. Problem is that they tend to be very "draping", which just serves to highlight your assets in a perhaps too-flattering way. There are two schools of thought when it comes to gym shorts: either put on restrictive underwear like compression shorts to really strap down your dick, or just accept that you're going to bulge and go about your workout.

Both are acceptable options, and it's up to you which path to take. It's worth keeping in mind that your focus at the gym should be the workout. And that's probably everybody else's focus as well, so they're likely not going to pay too much attention to your crotch unless you're deliberately showing off.

Swim trunks

Ah, the dreaded swimsuit dick print. It's unavoidable, right? Not at all. In fact, there are several things you can to to mitigate showing everybody at the pool or beach what you're working with. It's an issue for guys of all sizes, so having a huge cock hanging down in those shorts only amplifies the problem.

A lot of the same solutions as with pants and regular shorts apply to swimsuits as well: control with an undergarment layer of a snug liner or swim briefs and wear dark and patterned fabrics to obscure the bulge. But the most important thing you can do is to break the suction by pulling out on the swimsuit legs as you exit the water. This will let the water out and air in, keeping the wet nylon from staying formed right onto your dick.

Gray sweats

You're kidding, right?

Posture

It might not be immediately obvious, but how you stand and sit can have a huge impact on how much you show. Leaning back will thrust your hips forward, and bad posture over time can actually cause your pelvis to tilt back and raise your genitals up and forward. So stand up straight, keep your shoulders back, and hips square.

Similarly, slouching when you sit will tilt your pelvis in such a way as to raise your crotch closer into view. Sitting upright isn't just better for your back, it also allows your dick and balls to hang more naturally between your thighs.

The flipside of that is that your dick and balls need room to actually hang between your thighs, so that means your knees need to be somewhat apart. And in some environments, that's just not feasible, lest you be accused of "manspreading". It's not like it'd be considered proper to heft your package up onto your thigh so you can put your legs together like a lady, but that's just one of those things that some people just don't understand and don't want to understand. Compassion is a two-way street.

Just own the bulge

Or, after reading all of this and struggling with it on your own, you can decide just to own it. I'm absolutely not advocating that you flaunt your endowment by going commando in white tights every day, but there's a certain freedom in choosing comfort of complete discretion. If I bulge, then I bulge.

Society has long moved past expecting women with large breasts to constantly hide the fact that they've got big boobs. They're large, they don't easily deflate for storage, and strapping them down to minimize their appearance is uncomfortable, often painful, and can have long-term health implications. The same logic should apply to dicks and balls: some of us have very large ones, they're not easily or comfortably hidden, and squeezing your nuts out of sight all the time is detrimental to their proper functioning.

You can't help that this is the hand that genetics dealt you, so why should you make yourself uncomfortable all the time for the off chance that you might avoid making somebody else uncomfortable?

Here's the real secret to getting comfortable with having a bulge: everybody else is also too consumed with their own little problems to notice your little problems. And if they do notice that you've got a bulge, they're more than likely not going to care. If they do make it "a thing", then that's your chance to stand up for yourself and your own comfort. But odds are good nobody's ever going to say anything negative about it anyway.

So own your bulge; it's yours, after all.