You hear it again and again: foreplay is vital for big dicks to have successful sex. But what exactly does foreplay mean? This is one of those things that they just don't tell you yet you're expected to be good at.
Let's clear the air around foreplay. This is what you need to do.
First things first, what is foreplay? It's right in the name: foreplay is everything you do before you play. It's a whole host of activities to prepare the field for maximum effectiveness.
Foreplay can take many forms, from dirty talk to making out to clitoral stimulation with your mouth. What exactly you should mix into your foreplay routine depends entirely on you and your partner — what you enjoy, what she enjoys, what you both enjoy, what you're comfortable with, what you have time for, and so on. Variety is also the spice of life; mixing things up and keeping it fresh in the bedroom is important to a healthy sex life.
Active and assertive communication is important for all forms of sex, and it's even more important when there's usual anatomy (e.g. a very big dick) involved. Be straightforward with your partner about what you like and don't like, and demand the same from them. Foreplay is a cooperative act, and you get out of it what you put in.
Communication can be more than directive — it can also enhance the foreplay experience! Encouragement, praise, and positive reinforcement go a long way, and letting your partner know that you're enjoying what you're doing, find them sexy, and want to pleasure them will go even further. As much as sex is a physical act, it's also intimately emotional.
Don't be afraid to mix in erotic, explicit, and dirty talk. Do whatever you're both comfortable with, and watch for both explicit and subtle signals and body language from your partner about what they're enjoying or not.
Time and place
Context is important. While a big part of foreplay is setting the mood, you both need to be in the right frame of mind to start. Foreplay is meaningless if you or your partner simply aren't in the mood for intimacy at moment, or at least open to it.
Take your time
Don't try and rush through foreplay! Going straight to clitoral stimulation and fingering isn't going to get her ready right away; in fact, without the natural relaxation and lubrication that comes from extended foreplay, driving straight into the vagina can actually be painful for her.
When you're working with a large dick, taking your time with foreplay is vitally important. Many women take more than just a few minutes of horsing around to be ready for a girthy cock. One of the unfortunate downsides to having a big penis is that the requirement of extended foreplay means quickies are almost universally off the table. Hookups can even be difficult, given their quick nature. It may even behoove you to schedule sex so you have enough time set aside for foreplay. That said, the anticipation of knowing that there's sex on the calendar for tonight can be foreplay in its own way — sex is as much in the mind as it is in the bed.
Being a generous lover with good and extended foreplay pays huge dividends. Most women struggle to orgasm from penetration alone, so with good foreplay you can bring her to climax multiple times before you're even sticking your dick in. All of that helps her to physically relax to be able to take a huge cock, and the better of a mood she's in from foreplay the more likely she is to go along with what you want to do.
What foreplay does
Foreplay does a few very important things for the woman and her vagina. It stimulates the release of feel-good hormones like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. Not only are these mood improvers, but they also work to mediate pain signals, or in their presence make it feel like “good pain”.
Blood flow to the genitals is also increased by foreplay, which increases sensitivity. Foreplay also stimulates the production and secretion of natural lubricants in the vagina. While you may still need to provide additional lubrication when working with a thick penis, these secretions are still an important part of ensuring the entire vagina is properly lubricated.
Foreplay also helps to relax and expand the vagina. When unaroused, the typical vagina is 3-4 inches / 7-10cm deep and no particularly loose. The arousal from foreplay helps the average woman’s vagina expand to around 6 inches / 15 cm deep and loosens the opening in preparation for penetration. Every woman is different — some are shallower or deeper, others tighter or looser, but almost every woman experiences a notable increase in vaginal capacity when aroused.
All of these combined help prepare the woman for penetrative sexual intercourse, and are of huge importance for sex with a huge dick.
While this guide focuses on foreplay for the vagina, it’s important to remember that foreplay can and should go both ways. Foreplay and sex are cooperative acts, and while there will be times where certain acts require one party to just sit there and take it, it’s not supposed to be a one-sided affair. Men deserve to have some fun too before getting to the main event.
Foreplay doesn’t and shouldn’t have to be confined to just activities in the bedroom. If you’re planning on sex tonight, you can start with setting the mood and building anticipation throughout the day. There’s a lot you can do to build up to before you’re even taking off your pants.
You don’t even have to be in the same building to start building anticipation! Pick up your phone and fire off a naughty text or a provocative photo. Just keep in mind the context in which your partner will be receiving that message — if they’re the kind that has their phone out in the open, or has notifications appearing on their laptop during a presentation, it might not be the best time.
Also, do more than just send dick pics. While it’s okay to send them to somebody with whom you’re involved, keep in mind that they’re not always welcome and that there’s more to your body than just your penis.
Dinner and drinks
Make it a date night! Whether cooking in or dining out, a nice dinner and some saucy conversation can be a nice mood setter before heading to the bedroom (whether at home or a hotel — don’t be afraid to mix things up). Not to mention that it gives you an opportunity to fuel up and hydrate for some horizontal aerobic exercise, and to have a drink or two (or more, if you’re so inclined) to help loosen up any nerves.
Dinner and drinks can also be proactive in and of itself. While science hasn’t backed up any of the traditional “aphrodisiac” foods like oysters or cinnamon or champagne, there’s nothing wrong with having them as part of a meal. Even knowing that they don’t actually work doesn’t mean the idea of it won’t mentally work.
Just don’t eat too heavy or too much. Last thing you want is load yourself up on a big bowl of carbonara and then be too uncomfortably full to actually have sex. And be careful of how much you drink; whiskey dick is a real thing, and there’s always the risk of things getting out of hand and you making drunken mistakes that hurt your partner, hurt yourself, or hurt your relationship. Be smart about it.
It’s time to set the mood. Turn down the lights. Light a few candles (but be smart about where you put them — nowhere they’re going to be knocked over easily). Maybe burn some incense or share a hit of marijuana.
And get rid of the distractions. Phones on silent, or even in another room. Take off the smartwatch. Turn off the TV (unless you need the noise for cover).
Cue up the Marvin Gaye and let’s get it on. Music has long been an excellent mood setting, and there are a lot of options from the past several decades that can help. The music can be fun, sexy, or provocative — or some combination of all three.
Take some time and put together a playlist of songs that will work for both of you. And it wouldn’t hurt to be deliberate with your song order; with the right songs in the right order you can do more than just set the mood, you can build it.
Grab your partner and just vibe out. Loosen up your bodies, get close to each other, feel the music, the warmth of her breath and the softness of her skin. To quote Frank Sinatra’s “Come Dance With Me”: ‘Cause what is dancing, but makin’ love set to music playin’?
It doesn’t matter if you’re actually good at dancing, or even remotely coordinated. Dancing is about the feeling, about being close with your partner. So relax; it’s just the two of you dancing around by yourself — who cares if you look silly?
Kiss her. A peck on the cheek. Full-blown frenching. Nuzzling your face into her neck. Physical intimacy is about more than just the naughty bits. Simply making out on the couch can be incredibly hot. There’s nothing wrong with simple intimacy and the vulnerability that can come with it.
It doesn’t matter what shape your body is, you can still have fun with it. Don’t just rip your clothes off — make a show of it! take your time removing your shirt, have her undo your belt, and so on. It doesn’t hurt to swap out your usual drawers for something a little more fun and provocative that better highlights your prodigious assets.
Your clothes are off, but that doesn’t mean you need to jump straight to the vagina. There’s still plenty of sexy stuff you can do without deliberately touching genitals (though those of us with large members can experience a lot of incidental dick contact just moving around).
Give each other a massage and explore each other’s bodies. Not only can a massage be very stimulating, it can also be very relaxing mentally and physically. It can help you get limbered up and release tightness in the muscles you’re about to put to work.
There’s more than just the vagina that you can touch to sexually arouse a woman. Rub the nape of neck. Stroke her inner thighs. Pull her in by her lower back. Grab her butt and squeeze. Caress her breasts. Nip at her ears. The human body is covered with nerve endings, and the more aroused you are the more sensitive they all become and the more pleasurable touching any of them becomes.
It’s never a bad idea to clean up before you get to the real action. Human bodies are filth factories, and if you’ve been busy all day you’ve probably generated some filth of your own. You’re about to get up close and personal with each other, so get yourselves cleaned up, free of the day’s sweat and stank.
Sure, you could shower before you even start foreplay. Or… you could shower together and clean each other. Saving water is sexy.
Let’s take a moment and talk about basic female anatomy. It’s important that you understand the body parts you’re about to interact with. The function and design of a woman’s reproductive system is a mystery to a lot of men, and even a distressing number of women. Here’s what you need to know.
The vagina is the interior portion of the woman’s sexual anatomy. It starts at the vaginal opening within the vulva, and stretches up to the cervix that serves as the gate into the uterus. It is a muscular tube that can stretch considerably. Unaroused, a typical vagina is about 3-4 inches deep and tight, when fully aroused it stretches to around 6 inches and increases in diameter. Just like how penises come in all variety of sizes, so to do vaginas — most are within an inch of the average, while a few are notably shallower or deeper, tighter or looser.
Surrounding the opening of the vagina is the vulva, which includes all of the external genitalia. The vulva is bounded on the sides by the labia, and front-to-back down the center you’ll find the clitoris, urethral opening, and vaginal opening. Past that is the perineum (taint) and then the anus.
The clitoris is one of the most important and too-often-neglected parts of the female anatomy. It is somewhat analogous to the male penis in its sexual stimulation function. It even has a shaft and glans, and is covered by the clitoral hood. In most women it isn’t particularly large, but it does become engorged when aroused. The clitoris has roughly 8,000 nerve endings, about twice as many as the penis, and in a much smaller space.
We’re going to talk a lot more about the clit in a bit.
Stretching down from the clitoral hood to just past the vaginal opening are the labia. These “lips” are the folds of skin and can take on very different appearances from one woman to another. They can be darker in color than the surrounding skin. There are two layers to the labia: the labia majora and labia minor. The labia majora are the outer lips and tend to be plump, usually enclose most of the vulva, and tend to be covered with pubic hair. The labia minor are the inner lips that directly surround the vaginal opening and urethra. When aroused, the labia will swell with increased blood flow to the genitals, slightly opening the vulva.
For some women the labia are tight against the body, in others they hang more. The shape and elasticity of the vagina has nothing to do with her sexual past; the labia are highly elastic and aren’t permanently stretched out from having sex with many partners or with a particularly large penis.
Completing our tour around the vulva is the mons pubis, otherwise known as the pubic mound. It is a spot of fatty tissues located directly above and to the sides of the vulva, and is covered with pubic hair. It provides a padding over the pubic bone and clitoris to dampen impacts during aggressive sex.
The hymen is a thin layer of tissue around the vaginal opening, typically widest at the bottom end. It does not fully enclose the vagina (that would make mensuration difficult), and isn’t always torn during the first intercourse. For some women the hymen is elastic or small enough that it is never broken, while for others it may be particularly thick and prove a source of pain during sex.
Inside the vagina is the G-spot, a highly sensitive patch of tissue that when stimulated properly can lead to orgasm. It is located 2-3 inches / 5-8 cm up the front side of the vaginal wall and is bumpier than the rest of the generally smooth vaginal lining. The reason for its sensitivity is simple: it’s the underside of the base of the clitoris, with all of its nerve endings.
G-spot stimulation can be accomplished with toys, hands, or penises — dicks with a curve can be particularly adept at reaching this area.
At the top end of the vagina is the cervix. This is the gateway into the uterus and is almost always tightly closed. It is a small donut-shaped muscle ring that is firmer in texture than the rest of the vagina, with about the same give as the tip of your nose. In almost all women the cervix is highly sensitive, most find it painful to be touched (especially when rammed by an erect penis) while a small portion find it pleasurable (or at least experience it as “good pain”).
As the cervix is located at the top end of the vagina, its position changes based on the level of arousal. On average, the cervix moves to about 6 inches deep when the woman is fully turned on, putting it out of reach of the average 5.5-inch-long penis. Men with longer dicks need to be careful not to thrust to deep so as to impact the cervix, but… we’re not there yet. This is the foreplay guide, after all.
The cervix is also involved with IUD (intrauterine device contraceptives) placement. The main body of the IUD is inserted through the cervix into the uterus, depending on the design it either releases hormones or triggers an inflammatory reaction that kills sperm and eggs. IUDs are inserted with thin plastic strings trailing out through the cervix to help hold its position and to aid a doctor in removing the device if needed. Typically 1-2 inches of the strings are left protruding into the vagina.
The rest of the reproductive tract
While we’re at it, a little more anatomy. Past the cervix is the uterus, the incubation chamber for a fetus up until birthing. Those eggs are “ovum”, female reproductive cells, containing half of the DNA that will join with the sperm’s to create the child. The fertilized egg is delivered into the uterus via the fallopian tubes, a pair of narrow passages that connect with the ovaries where eggs and several hormones are produced.
Who doesn’t love a good pair of breasts? In addition to being fun to play with, breasts are also home to a lot of erogenous nerve endings, in particular in the nipples. and areola. Breasts can also swell slightly when aroused, and the nipples can become erect.
It’s a simple fact: most women struggle the orgasm through penetration alone. No matter the size of the penis nor the action of that penis, vaginal stimulation just isn’t going to get the job done. It’s not your fault, and it’s not her fault, that’s just how human females are built.
That’s where the clitoris comes in. Highly sensitive and easily aroused, this little organ is the key to orgasm for many women. And the fun part is that most can orgasm multiple times without it being the end of the sex (sorry, guys), and penetration along with clitoral stimulation can lead to even more powerful orgasms.
But before we get to penetration, we need to pay some attention to the small-but-mighty clit.
With twice as many nerve endings as the penis packed into a much smaller spot, the clitoris is incredibly sensitive. It can be very easily stimulated with even indirect pressure, and the clitoral hood flap of skin over it is there for a reason — direct stimulation can be overwhelming if done too early, or painful, or sometimes just unsatisfying. Work your way in.
Work the vulva
The high sensitivity of the clitoris means that applying pressure to the rest of the vulva can indirectly stimulate the clitoris. Start gently and slowly ramp up the intensity of pressure and speed; don’t go in at full power and start rubbing her vulva like it’s a genie’s lamp.
Press up into the mons pubis, massaging on either side of the clitoris. Drag down over the hood, or graze the protruding tip. Breath on it, lick it, suck it. Don’t slap it, no matter what you’ve seen in porn, unless she tells you to. You wouldn’t smack your balls, don’t smack her junk either.
Don’t be afraid to mix a vibrator or other toys into the process. It doesn’t have to be the main event, and can work in conjunction with your own efforts. The goal isn’t to prove that you’re some expert lover that can get her off with just your hands and mouth.
Remember that sex is about more than just the physical; it’s mental too. The better she’s feeling when it comes time for penetration, the better of a time you’ll have. So if a vibrator is what it takes to get her off, don’t shy away from it.
We’ve done a lot of work on the outside of the vagina, now it’s finally time to go inside. Even after all this, there’s a chance she still may not be physically ready for penetration, particularly if your dick is extra girthy. There’s still some work you can do with smaller tools to get her vagina to the point that she is ready.
Now’s your tongue’s time to shine. Lick around the vaginal opening. Do a figure 8 with the tip of your tongue around the vulva. But the biggest use of your tongue and mouth is going to be to move back up to the clitoris and to use your fingers inside the vagina.
Start with just one finger. Ease your way in, periodically pulling back and probing further. The bulk of the vagina’s nerve endings are in the first two inches or so, so you can do a lot just there. There’s also the G-spot to stimulate, which you can easily reach with a slightly bent finger.
As you continue to loosen up her vagina, add in another finger and increase the intensity of your motion. And don’t let up on stimulating the clitoris with your mouth or other hand or a vibrator. You can also trade out your fingers for a dildo or a vibrator made for penetration.
At this point the vagina should be secreting plenty of its own lubrication, but it’s not a terrible thing to add some more. This is a fun spot to add in flavored or sensitizing lubes to enhance the experience for both of you. It will also help to prepare the vagina for taking a huge cock.
Ready for dick
Main event time! You’re ready for action — dick’s at full mast, condom’s on, she’s dripping wet and begging you to fuck her. But is she truly prepared?
The first thing to do is just to ask her. Of course you should be sensual about it, don’t go asking her “are you prepared to be penetrated by my very large penis?” Be intimate and affectionate about it. The exact phrasing is up to you — hopefully you know her well enough to know what she needs to hear.
Even if she’s saying “Yes, fuck me!” you need to check for yourself. Use your fingers to probe her vagina; if it’s tight, then keep working. A man with an average-thickness penis should be able to fit two fingers into her vagina without too much effort. Thicker men should use more; a man with 6 inches girth could consider three fingers to be a good mark of appropriate vaginal relaxation.
It’s not the end of the world if you have to do more foreplay. It’s also not the worst thing if you try for penetration but find that she’s actually not as ready as you thought, so you need to go back a step and do more work. She’ll thank you for it.
Liberal use of lubrication is massively important for sex with a big dick. Very few women get so relaxed and so wet that they’re able to be fucked by a thick cock without additional lube. So having to add more isn’t a bad thing at all. Start by rubbing some lube around the inside of the vaginal opening, then all over the inner labia.
Finally, lube up your penis and begin to ease your way in. No matter how ready you think she is, or how ready she says she is, don’t just ram it in. Just like with fingering, probe the depths slowly, ease your way in, back off a bit, then go deeper. Pay attention to the way her body reacts; if she tenses up back off a bit.
When you’re working with a large dick, patience is the greatest virtue you can have. There’s no rushing foreplay or sex, at least if you want to have repeat business.
It’s also important to initially keep to sex positions that are compatible with large penises, and then start to explore if others may work well for you. Take your time, relax, and have fun.