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So you've read how to measure your penis and you're confused. You have a rigid ruler in one hand and a curved penis in the other — how are you supposed to make this work?

The first advice is to get your hands on a tailors tape / cloth measuring tape. These flexible measures allow you to get the size of curved objects more easily than a stiff ruler. But if you don't have one of those handy, you can fashion your own with a narrow strip of paper — just place it on your dick in the instructions below where it says "tailors tape" and mark where it extends to with a pencil or a small crease in the paper.

Measuring a curved penis does require a bit more work and math than a straight one, but if it's what you have then that's what you can measure. The instructions for measuring a straight penis are to place the rule on the top and that's it, but with a curve that can be deceiving — an upward curve would see a reduction in its measurement, while a downward curve would be extended. And a curve to the side? Even more difficult!

Our goal here is to figure out the midline measurement of your penis by taking the average of the inside and outside of the curve, which will be very close to what you would get if you were able to straighten your penis. Here's how to figure that out:

  1. Get a tailors tape and keep it nearby.
  2. Stand up straight.
  3. Get as fully erect as you can.
  4. Place the tailors tape on the top of your penis.
  5. Press the end of the tape into the pubic fat pad at the base of your penis until it stops at your pubic bone.
  6. Note how far in you pressed.
    • If your curve is up or down, leave the tailors tape here.
    • If your curve is to a side, move the end of the tailors tape to be in line with the curve and place the starting point parallel to where you pressed in top.
  7. Measure this side of the curve, holding the tailors tape close to and in line with the shaft as you go. Do not wrap the tailors tape over the tip of the glans.
  8. Note the measurement at the far end of the tape; this is Length A.
  9. Move the tailors tape to the opposite side of the curve.
  10. Place the end of the measure at a point parallel with the depth to which you pushed at the top. Do not place it any further back, even if you are able to move your scrotum out of the way. This is about accuracy, not getting the largest number possible.
  11. Measure this side of the curve, holding the tailors tape close to and in line with the shaft as you go. Do not wrap the tailors tape over the tip of the glans.
  12. Note the measurement at the far end of the tape; this is Length B.
  13. Average Length A and Length B to get the midline measurement: (A + B) / 2

And there you go, that's how to get a good measurement for your curved penis that's accurate and realistic. Now that you know what your size really is, you can have a better idea of where you fit into the grand scheme of penis sizes.

Penis Size Chart