Sexual incompatibility is real and it suuuuucks

Many truly well-endowed men have experienced a painful realization: for some partners they’re just too big. Popular culture and pornography have set the expectation that bigger is always better, but the reality is that every person has a limit and that limit is different for every person. When you’re bigger than somebody’s limit, somebody that you actually care about and really want it to work out, well, that’s a real problem with no real solution.

“Too big” is totally subjective. Some people can take a dick of nearly any size and have yet to find their limit (maybe their limit isn’t a biologically possible penis size). Others struggle to handle even average-sized penises. But most can handle a relatively large penis, so long as adequate prep work is put in.

The average vagina is about 6 inches deep and with adequate stimulation can expand to accommodate some girthy penises. The average penis is 5.5 inches long. It's like they evolved together for maximum compatibility or something. But those are the averages — just as some guys have smaller or larger penises, some women have smaller or larger vaginas (and there's no way to know in advance).

What are you supposed to do when you’re equipped with a very large dick and trying to make it work with a woman who has a small vagina? Don’t just keep trying to ram it in; that’s a key to bad sex for both of you. Patience, skill, and preparation are going to be very important here, but there’s no guarantee this will all work.

Foreplay

I cannot overstate the importance of foreplay for the well-endowed man. Vaginas are typically pretty elastic and can handle a lot, but they need preparation — especially when penetration with a large dick is imminent. Foreplay allows you to warm up and loosen up your partner’s vagina, letting her relax to better accept your penis.

That’s not to mention that foreplay can be very pleasurable. Penis size typically has little bearing on a woman’s pleasure during sex; that “full” feeling is just that — a feeling. It might be somewhat stimulating, but it’s more specific spots and maneuvers that will send her over the edge. On top of that, the most sensitive spot for most women is the clitoris, and its location on the outside of the vagina means it typically isn’t stimulated much during penetrative intercourse. With proper foreplay you can ensure that she is also having a great time.

And let’s not pretend that foreplay doesn’t go both ways — as much as you’re pleasing her, she too can reciprocate (and may be further turned on by the act).

Lube

There is absolutely zero shame in having lube on hand to assist. For the vast majority of women, no matter how wet she may be after extensive foreplay, you may very well need to apply additional lubrication to help reduce friction.

You might be thinking that friction is a good thing, and to some extent you’re right, but with a thicker penis it can be too much. The goal isn’t to just drag the pussy in-and-out with your shaft. Without enough lubrication you’re apt to cause rawness for both parties, leaving you both hurting afterwards (her more than you). So please, bust out the lube.

Sex Positions

Once it’s time to get to penetration, you’ve got to be thoughtful about how you do things. Firstly, you should be slow and steady when inserting your penis into her vagina. Don’t go and shove the whole thing in right on the first thrust. Test the depths and give her a chance to get used to it.

And even then, there are sex positions that work best with a large dick, in particular those that give the woman control over the depth of penetration or use your bodies to provide a depth buffer. It also might not be a bad idea to get a penis depth limiter to help stop thrusts from going too deep.

It’s best to avoid positions that allow for deeper penetration, such as the ever-popular doggy style. The truth is that what’s great for the average men often isn’t so awesome for the well-endowed, and they’re even less great when you’re dealing with a tighter or shallower vagina.

Patience and communication

Good communication is key to any relationship. It’s even more important in bed. So too is patience, especially when a huge cock and small vagina are involved.

So take your time and don’t rush things. It may take more foreplay than you expect for her to be loosened up enough to take you. It might even take multiple sessions to get there. Take any setbacks in stride and just get back on the horse.

Communication is key when it comes to sex. You should both insist that you to talk to each other about what’s working for you and what isn’t. If somebody needs a break, or to change positions, or whatever, then do that. If somebody needs to stop altogether, then do that. And if your partner is giving you positive feedback, well, keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing.

Open and honest communication is hugely important, and the lack of consideration for their partners is one of the reasons that a well-endowed man may be cheated on more.

Get the doctor involved

It is entirely possible that after all the foreplay, lube, and patience in the world you’re still struggling to fit your dick in. It’s possible that she may be affected by one of several vaginal anomalies that can be diagnosed and possibly treated by a doctor.

With vaginismus she may be exceptionally tight. A retroverted or tilted uterus may cause the cervix to sit lower in the vagina. Post-pregnancy recovery can leave a woman with a tightened vagina (contrary to popular belief, pregnancy doesn’t permanently stretch a woman out). An unusually thick or inflexible hymen, even if previously torn, may cause pain when contacted. Previous injury, trauma, or infection may have messed with the muscles of the vagina.

Some of these are treatable, others are simply conditions you both have to live with. But if you know what’s going on, then you can start to work around it. When talking to her gynecologist, she should be upfront and honest about the struggles she’s facing and the size she’s dealing with.

Vaginal dilator sets

Making it work with a very large penis can be a struggle, and if after trying loads of foreplay and lube and the right positions you’re still struggling, then it may be time to bring in some extra tools. Specifically, a vaginal dilator set. These are essentially a set of dildos of increasing diameter that a woman can use to work her way up to accepting larger girths.

Using a dilator set can take a long time, however. It’s takes consistent and concerted work over several months for a tighter woman to work her way up to handling the largest sizes, but as she gets more comfortable with them she’ll get more comfortable with the thicker dick as well.

Accept the incompatibility

Sometimes, no matter what you do, it just doesn’t work. Incompatibility happens all the time in relationships, but it’s especially painful when it happens thanks to things that are entirely out of your control. I’ve been there, and it hurts so much to have a promising relationship scuttled by genetics. But if it’s not going to work, then it’s not going to work.

If you’re both open to it, it may be worth exploring an open relationship where you can both find romantic love and companionship with each other, but turn to outside parties for sexual satisfaction. Or maybe you can be monogamous and okay with never successfully having penetrative sex.

But it’s also okay for that to be the end of your relationship. Sexual compatibility is a huge part of any relationship, and you both deserve to have that in your lives.